this roadblock is present when a person assumes they know what the other person is going to say
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Does information technology experience like you're always giving—and one of your friends is ever taking? Or does it seem like your friend never makes time for yous—but ever expects you to exist there for her? Your pal might exist playing you lot for a sucker. How did you fall victim to a one-sided friendship? "People who accept a poor cocky image and suffer from insecurity get a faux sense of power and control in their lives by taking advantage of their friends and family, says Michael Salamon, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and a Fellow of the American Psychological Clan. Other people manipulate their friends because they're simply narcissists. "They truly believe that they know meliorate than anyone else and the perspectives that other people have are irrelevant," explains Dr. Salamon.
Don't Arraign Yourself
Simply don't arraign yourself for your friend's bad beliefs. It'south piece of cake to fall victim to manipulators—specially when they trick you lot into feeling sorry for them or make you lot believe that they're somehow smarter than you. Wonder whether your friend is actually more like your frenemy? Read on for vii hallmarks of a friend who is manipulating you :
#1: She isn't listening when yous speak.
"The number one sign that you lot're beingness manipulated past a friend is a feeling in the pit of your stomach that your friend is not hearing what you are really maxim when you're speaking to them," says Dr. Salamon, who wrote Every Pot Has a Encompass: A Proven System for Finding, Keeping and Enhancing the Ideal Relationship. While your pal may be looking at you while you're talking, information technology feels more like she's staring right through you. Or mayhap information technology seems similar what you're saying to her is going in ane ear and out the other. While it's totally normal for everyone to have off-days when they tin't appoint well in a conversation, if yous feel like your friend tuning you out is a regular occurrence—and only becomes engaged when she's the one doing the talking—it might be time to movement on from the friendship.
#ii: She'southward got nothing nice to say.
Be wary of friends who talk negatively most other people, says Melissa Cohen, L.C.S.West., a therapist in private practice in Westfield, New Jersey. "If someone has a bad thing to say about nearly everyone, she's also probably talking badly about y'all when yous aren't effectually," Cohen says. Manipulators may say that they're merely telling you other people'due south business considering they know you won't tell anyone, just she says that to everyone as she spreads all her gossip. "You may desire to believe that your friend would never betray you similar she does to others, but it'due south only a matter of time before she exploits your trust when it benefits her," says Cohen.
#iii: She only gets in impact when she needs something.
One of the superlative warning signs your friend is manipulating you lot: "She doesn't contact you or have time for you unless she wants y'all to do something for her," says Carole Lieberman, Chiliad.D., a Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist and writer of Bad Girls: Why Men Dearest Them & How Good Girls Can Acquire Their Secrets. Experience like you're constantly doing favors for her but don't get a lot of payback in render? If she'south non there when yous need a friend, only then all of a sudden appears when she needs a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand, watch out.
#4: She lays on the guilt.
Or she somehow makes yous feel distressing for her. "Many manipulators use emotional warfare, like guilt tripping, to become you lot to do what they want," says Cohen. She might say things similar, 'After all I've washed for you yous, can't you aid me out?' Or she might compare y'all negatively to other friends or rally imaginary allies to their cause, saying things like, 'Fifty-fifty Shirley thinks I'm correct' or 'Everyone says you lot can't exist counted on.' Either way, she'due south trying to play you.
#5: She needs to be in accuse.
She is the dominate. All. The. Time. Does your friend win the prize for Miss Bossypants? Does she get mad at you for not wanting to do whatever she'south asking? Does she effort to constantly convince you to exercise things her way—even though you may have a good reason to exercise things differently? "When someone is unwilling to see someone else'due south bespeak of view or only think that their way is the right mode, you lot are at risk of being double-crossed by them," says Cohen. Another accept on this: "Your friend is a know-it-all who is always right—even when you know they're incorrect," says Salamon.
#6: She doesn't take time for you.
Everyone gets busy. Everyone has weeks or even months when life takes over. Just if your and so-chosen friend tells you that she has no time to socialize with you, simply then routinely makes time for other friends, she might be skirting you for people who are more than useful to her at the time, says Leiberman. "Manipulators simply make time for people who tin serve them and who she can benefit more from at that item fourth dimension in her life," says Lieberman.
#seven: She asks for favors.
A lot. "Manipulators are great at figuring out how to get their needs met," says Cohen. And to get their needs met, a manipulating person often creates friendships with people (similar you!) who are natural givers. "Their requests and accommodations outset small and you might non mind it at offset," explains Cohen, "only as their requests become more frequent or weightier, it becomes apparent that you might exist getting played." Oddly, the manipulating friend often seems to be completely oblivious that you're helping her or that she should exist reciprocating.
For example, allow'southward say Judy does not like driving so she asks her friend Liz to drive her to book club, which they both attend regularly. Liz agrees to drive. But afterwards a few months, Liz realizes she always drives and starts feeling like Judy is taking advantage of her. "With most people, there is an assumption of reciprocity, simply for Judy, she only assumes that it'south Liz'due south pleasance to drive her every time," explains Cohen. But Liz didn't agree to bulldoze her every fourth dimension and hasn't asserted herself to say, 'Hey Judy, it's your turn.' So she begins to resent Judy—and "resentment amercement the relationship as much every bit a lack of reciprocity," says Cohen. Plough it effectually past speaking up when you feel like y'all're being taken advantage of—which will nip rising animosity in the bud and perchance even level the friendship playing field.
What you should do
If you lot find yourself with a friend who is constantly taking advantage of you and not seeing your needs, y'all've got two choices: Face her, or end the friendship. Experts concord that information technology's best to walk abroad from a toxic friendship since the pattern tin proceed to happen again and once more, which can impact how you feel about yourself.
"The best style to stop manipulating beliefs is to first admit to yourself that it is happening," says Dr. Salamon. "Very few people are actually aware that they are being taken reward of, at least initially." In one case y'all are enlightened that you are existence manipulated, he says, it is best to not respond to whatsoever and all manipulations. If you exercise, the manipulator may try harder to keep you in her grasp.
"If there is, in fact, an of import reason to preserve the human relationship, yous have to ask if the manipulator is enlightened that they are taking advantage," he says. "If they are not, that commonly means the friendship will get tuned down a notch, maybe to the level of an acquaintanceship or perhaps even less, to no contact at all." The most of import thing if you are going to try to maintain a relationship with a manipulator: Y'all have to develop a strategy to protect yourself, and make sure it works.
Read more from Grandparents.com:
seven Ways to Get the Emotional Support Y'all Demand from Friends
7 Worst Things to Say to A Friend on a Diet
7 Friends You'd Be Better Off Without
Also on HuffPost:
Personality Traits That Could Lead To A Longer Life
Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/these-are-the-7-hallmarks-of-a-manipulative-friend_n_5665d5b4e4b072e9d1c6e620
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